Welcome to my One-third Life Crises

Aaron and I had gone back and forth for months over this whole when-to-have-a-baby thing. I had wept and whined and dialed up the dramatics.

"What if in a year I am barren? I'll never forgive you for making me wait!"

I would spend hours scouring Craigslist looking for deals on cribs and slightly used Boppies. I haunted the online mommy forums. (The ladies on there are crazy-pants by the way. Which I love.) When walking anywhere I would imagine how it would feel to have a little baby in my arms.

In reality, I was only 26, had been married just 18 months, and my husband had only recently completed his Bachelor's degree and was still working at his low-paying office job. So why did I think NOW was the ideal time to have a baby?









Because having a baby fixes everything! Right?

My job sucked. And despite having the greatest husband and friends, I was deeply unhappy.

Aaron made it clear that I needed to get over it. A baby will happen, maybe even in a year we can start trying. Somehow, in that last fight-turned-crying -jag-turned-meaningful discussion, he got through to me. I decided to make the most of that year ahead. Aaron got a great job in his field, so we would finally have a little extra income. I was going to work on finding a new job. I had made peace with this timetable.

Inspired by a friend, I put together a 30 Before 30 list. I filled it with decidedly non-mommy goals. I figured I had a year to live it up before getting knocked up.
- Lose 20 pounds
- Skydive
- Go to Europe
- Put on giant sunglasses and eat lunch at The Ivy and act real snobby
- Take a trip by myself
- Buy really fancy, uncomfortable shoes
- Go somewhere that I can wear said fancy shoes

I got excited about this list. The year ahead looked amazing. We planned to take our Europe vacation in Spring 2011 and then start the baby-making. Perfect!

But that list no longer exists. I deleted it from my iPhone the day I saw those two pink lines on the pee pee stick. Actually I saw 12 pink lines because I took six pregnancy tests.








I went about the usual pregnancy stuff with excitement, but wistful for the plans I had made. It's all over, I secretly thought.
Six weeks after giving birth, I opened up a new note on my iPhone. 30 Before 30. A few of the old ambitions stuck around, but overall it was a new list. An I-may-be-a-mom-but-I-am-still-me List.






So I've got I-can't-believe-I-am-almost-30 issues. I've got am-I-ready-to-be-a-mom? issues. And there's career, marriage, life purpose type stuff all immeshed with the other stuff.

So this blog is to chronicle my 30 Before 30 adventures. But The List is really about The Stuff. So I am gonna work on it, 2011 style. (Or maybe blogging is more 2007ish. Oh well.) Today, on my 28th birthday, I launch this silly challenge. Two years to go . . .

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